I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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