other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
