There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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