I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
