I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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