Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
