people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize