You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
