I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
