I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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