Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
