i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
