My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
