I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
