Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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