My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize