i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
