After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
