I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
