mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
