its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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