so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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