How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
then he tried to convert me to islam
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize