hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
