Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
