I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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