And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menβs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iβm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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