he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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