I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
