It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
