So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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