quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
