My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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