3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize