this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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