SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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