found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The beer is more important than you right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm having to shit out rocks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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