I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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