my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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