On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
