I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i've created a new STD.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
