someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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