Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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