So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
