as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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