I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We smell like vodka and hangover
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