Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
