***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
