Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
