um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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