so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
