I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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