can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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