Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
