can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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