Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
