And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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