he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
