When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
