2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
