i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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