The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
