so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
