i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize