I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
