Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
