used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
