see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
