I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
