You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
