I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize