dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
