I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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