i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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