I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
