he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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