go do what you do best...puke behind churches
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
