Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
