Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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