i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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