So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
