I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think a kid would responsible me up
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
