hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
