I'm so fucking centered right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
