by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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