When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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