really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
