your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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