i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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