you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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