Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
