you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I lost the right to judge tonight
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
