3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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