hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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