They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
