I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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