we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
