my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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