maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
